F1 versus NASCAR

August 18, 2007

Formula One is the auto-racing circuit for suave men of the world who know that the four round black things on an automobile are the tyres. NASCAR is the circuit for good ole boys who think that Bahrain is the place in between the e-yers.

This was the opinion I used to have about the world’s two most popular racing series. That all changed when I attended my first NASCAR race, the Busch stop in Montreal this past month. While some of the stereotypes that I had previously developed about stock car racing proved to hold true, I must admit, many were shattered and I now have a newfound appreciation of NASCAR.

NASCAR Fans

First let me state that the vast majority of fans at the race appeared to be very intelligent and well mannered individuals who seemed to enjoy the simple things in life like wearing a shirt in public. Nonetheless, there was a small collection of people who fit the mould of what I had considered the prototypical NASCAR fan.

In all honesty, there were probably no more than 12 of these people out of the thousands I saw at the track. However, these 12 people probably shared 19 teeth, 62 pairs of cutoff jeans, and 93 words in their vocabulary - words that probably include “Marlboro”, “moonshine”, and “shotgun”, but hopefully not “internet”, “Google” and “smartass Canadian writer”.

But before all you F1 fans start patting yourselves on the back in recognition of how suave and sophisticated your brethren are, you should realize that I observed an equal proportion of these “unique” individuals at the Canadian Grand Prix this year. So I think it’s safe to say that by no means are NASCAR fans any less intelligent, urbane, or refined than F1 aficionados. In fact, given the $45 I paid for my BMW Sauber hat, I would argue that at $20 for a Jeff Gordon hat, NASCAR fans are significantly more intelligent.

The Cars

Comparing the technological development of NASCAR to that of F1 is a little like comparing Pamela Anderson to Paris Hilton: One has spent money to augment the power created by what sticks out in the front. The other one has a fat pocketbook yet chooses to keep a curved, unorthodox nose that points down to the ground.

In NASCAR, a great deal of the budget is spent on developing a powerful front-mounted engine, while in F1 (where a mid-mounted engine design is used), teams are also concerned with developing a sleek and aerodynamic car. I don’t want to completely ignore the effort that NASCAR teams put into the aerodynamics of their vehicles, but anytime I see a pit lane mechanic “fine-tuning” the bodywork with a sledgehammer or duct tape, I can’t help but cringe.

Technology aside, there’s also the issue of sponsors. F1 cars carry advertisements for the likes of Hugo Boss and Johnnie Walker - brands that are associated with wealth and snobbery. Compare that to NASCAR, where one of the cars racing in Montreal carried the very honest and wholesome logo, “Racing with Jesus”.

However, as a Catholic, I found this decal very worrisome. For starters, car racing can be a very dangerous sport and I don’t want my Saviour to be riding shotgun in an automobile that can travel at more than 200 MPH. On top of that, I noticed only one seat in this car, which means that Jesus must have been relegated to the trunk, where there are no airbags, let alone seatbelts. Finally, is it really wise to be driving with someone that regularly turns water into wine? I would like to see anyone try to explain that to a cop:

Officer: Boys, do you realize how fast you were… Is that booze I smell!?
Driver: Uh, yeah. Wine actually.
Officer: Please step out of the car. I’m arresting you for driving while under the influence.
Driver: No, no. It’s not me. It’s his blood. It can turn into wine!
Passenger Jesus: I don’t know what he’s talking about officer. Arrest him! I’m tired of taking the rap for other people’s mistakes.

Lessons Learned

NASCAR fans, I apologize. The weekend was a real eye-opener for me. I’m sorry I had such horrible preconceived ideas about your sport; rest assured that they have all been vanquished. I have gained a better appreciation for stock car racing and feel that I am a better person for it.

F1 fans, I also apologize. I’m sorry that I made us come across as a bunch of arrogant snobs who don’t recognize excellent racing when we see it. I know there are many of you that follow both F1 and NASCAR, as well as other circuits not discussed here.

Finally, I would like to extend my final apology to Jesus. Lord, I was just being ridiculous. I know You would never condone driving with an open liquor container, nor would You ever squeal on a friend. However, I am a little concerned about You riding in the trunk of a racecar during Your weekends. I realize that the transportation alternatives during Your heyday were very limited, but the trunk is no place for a Messiah to sit.

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